CRUNKSTER

Plug 'Tunin

One of the things the Neptunes let slip in the many tantalizing times they've been interviewed by us, is that some of those brilliant, fleet-footed, sidewalk-lights-up-in-blocks-as-you-step songs (they're not "beats" – well, they're beats like tits are just body parts) they wrote and produced for Justin Timberlake and Usher were originally conceived for Michael Jackson's "comeback" album (and MJ, to his dis-credit, took "comeback" to mean resurrecting his molestation jones. Allegedly). I mean, some of that was rumored and wasn't it just so fucking obvious anyway, the way Usher one-glove-crotch-grabbed (while wearing a red leather jacket sippin'juice in the hood) and the way Justin pulled a Lauryn and tried to fuck his way into the Jackson family legacy, er, I mean, danced on the boom-box at the MTV Video Music Awards that one year.

But there goes Chad Hugo in passing, no-cameras, one-hand-on-the-cell-phone conversation, telling me that Usher's spectacular (don't believe me? listen to it again motherfucker) moondance, "U Don't Have To Call," and Justin's "Like I Love You," "Rock Your Body," and "Last Nite" were originally written for MJ. Problem was, while MJ was dicking around with the local Weeblos, wunderkind Rodney Jerkins, and some cancerous child (who, like the others, comes from an economically disadvantaged family and thus is easy prey so get the fuck out of there with that 'blame the parents' bullshit), he had enough static between him and THE BEST PRODUCERS IN THE WORLD AT THE TIME, that they couldn't get to him. Seriously. Pharrell confirmed Chad's note-passing and said they tried to submit the roughs but couldn't penetrate the enemy at the gate.

So instead of Molester's Convention with R. Kells, MJ could've been like, reborn and shit. Phoenix rising from the flames, son! On some Can Ox shit!